Four years ago, my life turned upside down. It hasn’t been an easy journey for our family, but most definitely a worthwhile one.
These words are from my husband. They are powerful words. He is brave and awesome for putting himself out there. I am proud of how far he has come. And so happy he’s still here.
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“Four years. . .
“Four years ago today at this time I was shivering in a jail cell at Hennepin County Detention Center in downtown Minneapolis.
“Four years.
“Four years ago today I believed everything was lost, it was my fault, I was no damn good, that those around me should have been better off never knowing me, that I was at best a liability, that I should begin making plans to unburden them from me forever.
“Four years ago today was the last time I was drunk.
“Man.
“Four years of so much trying to put a sense of the world back together after my life exploded from within: the arrest, the court hearings, 13 weekends of treatment, counseling, meds, more counseling.
“The tears, the rage, the trembling screaming fits because it’s been months and the inside of your brain still feels like a sunburn. The silent desperation of clenched fists, alone in the dark, wanting it to just end, just fucking end.
“Counseling. More counseling. Started going to meetings. Facing demons, what I did, what I could and couldn’t control.
“Four years: a high school diploma, an undergrad degree for the overachiever, a presidential term length.
“The time it took for SweetSonDude to gestate, be born, grow and develop into a rascal. The time it took for DarlingDaughterLady to get wiser than me.
“Four years.
“I drove to DayJobLand today, a sunny, cloudless June morning. The lady on the radio said today was going to be perfect, something about dewpoints. I remembered the date. That anxious burn in my chest began to tickle, then tingle, then melt into a real feeling of true joy for the first time in four years.
“Crying and giggling as I write this: I’m so fucking happy to be alive right now.
“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. To all, everyone, everything.
“I think today’s going to be one of those good days they talk about.”