Two weeks ago, I had what felt like my first internet troll experience.
“Are you sure your weight is healthy?”
I don’t know for sure if that what the person, but it sure felt like a slap in the face as opposed to someone genuinely caring for me, my health, and well-being. Posted publicly, it felt like he was shaming me. Clearly, it still bothers me.
It reminded me when I was in school, people would ask me if I was anorexic. It was never from someone who knew me or friends with me. Always some person, making a judgment call based on my stature. My friends knew it wasn’t true. But it still hurt.
Why is it that it’s assumed anyone trying to live a healthy lifestyle and workout is automatically trying to lose weight? Healthy living comes from inside and out. Taking care of your body and your soul.
Honestly, I’ve never tried to lose weight in my life. Not after gaining 20+ pounds after studying abroad, from a change in food (which was delicious by the way).
Not after gaining weight working in Cooperstown from a different change in my diet and work schedule.
Not even after I had my babies. Actually, when I did have a little more weight on, I felt prettier (especially after babies!). Clothes fit me better because I had some curves. But I don’t want to put on weight the wrong way either.
I have struggled with depression and low self-esteem. Feeling bad about how I looked. Feeling like there was something wrong with me.
Now I feel strong. Have energy. Be confident. For the first time, I’m buying a bikini because I feel comfortable in my skin.
I’m not going to apologize for something I can’t control. I have found a lifestyle, that still evolves, that is helping me be the kind of person I want to be. The kind of woman my daughter can look up to and know she doesn’t have to apologize for being the best version of herself.
I know I’m in a unique position. It’s not the journey most people are on when trying to get healthy: being small, thin, and wanting to gain weight with muscle. We all have our own paths to take to be our best selves.
Choose to workout because it feels good.
Choose healthier foods because it fuels your body.
Love yourself. ?