Today is a day that my husband and I are celebrating.
Five years ago, I was awoken at 5:30 in the morning with the worst possible phone call. From my husband, in jail.
I fell into a pit of depression, deeper than any I had been in before. My two year old daughter sleeping in the next room. Hormones out of control, from finding out only days earlier I was pregnant with our second child.
But even on that day, when I felt like I couldn’t see the light, I kept saying, “this is the best thing that could have happened.” What I meant by that was, if this hadn’t happened, the destructive drinking behavior would have never had a reason to change. I kept saying it to him too. He needed to hear it. That while in this moment, it felt like the worst possible thing to have happened to him and to us in our marriage, it was the catalyst needed for change.
Sobriety isn’t easy. For any of us. There are childhood hurts being dealt with that were long covered up from decades of drinking. Triggers all over the place.
So we celebrate. Getting here is huge and, the fact he hasn’t had a sip of alcohol in 5 years is amazing and impressive. I am so proud of him. When I told him that, he said hearing that from me was like winning an Oscar.
And still, I cannot believe that I had the wherewithal to change the narrative of that moment by calling it the best thing and even telling myself I was grateful for it. But I will say this, I am THANKFUL beyond belief that I did. Because it has helped me heal faster over the last 5 years. Helped me forgive him. Helped me see light in a very dark moment.
Talking about mental illness and addiction helps remove the shame that is so often surrounding it, which I why I feel strongly about sharing this part of me with you.
Today, I don’t linger in that moment from 5 years ago anymore. I am focused on the here and now, and celebrating life.
If you’re interested in reading his words, you can see it here on my instagram feed.